Somehow I've developed a reputation concerning the quality of my jokes. Sometimes when people hear a particular type of joke, they remark to themselves (and sometimes to me), that the joke was a "Jim joke." So I've decided to go ahead and start a Jim joke page.

Humor, like other things, is genetic. Diarrhea is also genetic, did you know that? Yep, it runs in the genes!

The Washington Post's Style Invitational asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some winners:
Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come very quickly.
Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and a butthole.

Wisdom From Will Rogers:
1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman ... neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back inyour pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men: the ones that learn by reading, the few who learn by observation, the rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The first old guy says to the second guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The second old guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." The first old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?" The second old guy says: "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big bust, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?" To which the first old guy says, "Doesn't matter, let's look for yours."

A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.

What's the definition of a will? (a dead giveaway).

Time flies like an arrow, Fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In democracy it's your vote that counts; In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

The musically challenged, absent minded locksmith: he often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

If you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

Show and Tell: A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment. Each student was instructed to bring in an object to share with the class that represented their religion.
The first student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of David."
The second student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is a Rosary."
The third student got in up front of the class and said, "My name is Tommy. I am Baptist, and this is a casserole."

The Hundred and the Five: A well-worn five dollar bill and a similarly distressed one-hundred dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation.
The hundred dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the country. "I've had a pretty good life," the twenty proclaimed. "Why I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean."
"Wow!" said the five dollar bill. "You've really had an exciting life!"
"So tell me," says the hundred, "where have you been throughout your lifetime?"
The five dollar bill replies, "Oh, I've been to the offering plates at the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, the Lutheran Church..."
The hundred dollar bill interrupts, "What's a church?"

A young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having.
" Goat," the little boy replied.
"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?"
"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Dad say to Mom, 'Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner.'

Did you hear about the family who was evicted from their tree house? The bank says they didn't pay their mortgage, but the family says it has to be a mix-up - they recently switched branches.

Snake 1: Are we poisonous?
Snake 2: I don't know, Why?
Snake 1: I just bit my lip.

Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines all over!

Do you know why lobsters never share their toys? Because they're SHELLFISH!

A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?" The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."

How can you tell when a bucket gets sick? It becomes a little pale.

A guy walks into his doctor's office with a banana stuck up his nose. He says, "Doc, what's wrong with me?" The doctor replied, "You're not eating properly."

Down on the Mississippi, two tugboat captains who had been friends for years, would always yell "Aye!" to each other and blow their whistles whenever they passed each other. A passenger finally asked one of the captains why they always did that. He replied,"You mean that you've neverheard of an aye for an aye and a toot for a toot?"

I entered a local Pun Contest. I sent in ten different puns in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Did you hear that the Energizer bunny was arrested? He was charged with battery.

Camping is intense.

A couple of Georgia hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other hunter whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He shouts to the operator: “My friend is dead! What should I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” The guy says, "Okay, just a minute..." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?”

A couple of guys are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well, we were married 35 years.”

Two guys are sitting in a bar. In the middle of the conversation, one starts to insult the other one. He shouts, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other guy will do. The first again yells, “DID YOU HEAR ME? I SAID I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!” The other says, “Go home, you're drunk again, Dad.”

A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”.“Oh dear, what's the bad news?” asks the patient. The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.” “That's terrible,” said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?” The doctor replies, “I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.”

What do you call a monkey in a minefield? A Baboom!

How do you make a cat go "WOOF!"? Soak it in gasoline and then throw a lit match.

A Minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning. He said, "Today, church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn comes to your mind."
The pastor shouted out, "Cross." Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, "The Old Rugged Cross."
The Pastor hollered out, "Grace." The congregation began to sing, "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound."
The Pastor said, "Power." The congregation sang, "There is Power in the Blood."
The Pastor said, "Sex." The congregation fell into total silence. Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other, afraid to say anything. Suddenly, from the back of the church, a frail little 87 year-old grandmother stood up and, in a tiny quavering voice, began to sing, "Precious Memories."

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Why are you looking down here?

Snavemij.com is the personal website of Jim Evans. There's a large section on Watervale, Michigan and the surrounding cities of Frankfort and Beulah. I've included photos, both normal and infrared, that I've taken in the area. There are also some photos of the Northern Lights taken in July of 2004. Watervale is a wonderful place, and as Trish said lo these many years ago, it is my Mecca. Watervale is the only place I dream about on a regular basis. The petoskey stones I've found are close to sacred to me.

I'll also be expanding a section that is pro-father. This will include reviews of books, movies, TV shows, and web sites. First up to be reviewed: the Andy Griffith Show.

Enjoy.